Today is the last Friday of September. My nose and eyes are already feeling the allergy itchiness, which means it is once again time to bring out the eye drops, nose spray and the non-drowsy antihistamine. Otherwise, nothing super exciting has happened this week. I have been doing my daily job searching, had one interview and did one day of work at the university. I know next week is going to look exactly the same.
For a while I thought the key ingredient for my negative thoughts was being home and alone for a long period of time. Now, I am starting to realise that the issue may not be the fact that I am spending a lot of time by myself and at home. Maybe, I am just feeling a lack of purpose in this world and failure of achieving self fulfillment? And would this magically be solved by getting a full-time employment? Depends on the job, of course, but probably not. The luxury of only working one day a week and having complete power of my schedule means I suddenly have a lot of free time. I understand my mood is more negatively affected by not knowing how to spend this time and not being able to set goals for myself. Who am I really?
This makes me think about what Benjamin Franklin said. “When you’ve finished changing, you’re finished’. I believe after moving to Australia and completely reconstructing my world, I never really had the chance to stop for a minute and analyse how I felt about life and myself. Now, when there is no lack of time or a job title to hide behind, I have really had the opportunity to scan myself, my emotions and my desires. But nothing is supposed to be easy, right? I am still trying to figure out who I am today and what I want to achieve. It is a long and quite difficult process, just like life itself .